What Is With This Irrational Fear?

On New Years' this year, I fell down a flight of stairs. Hard. Not only did I totally wipe out, but all of the things I was holding - the 5 wedding magazines tucked under my arm, the pile of laundry balanced on a hand as if it was a platter of drinks, my phone up to my ear held on by my shoulder, and my bag that I carry basically everything in back and forth to work - flew down the stairs with me. I landed on my back against the edge of the stairs and with my legs twisted beneath me. I was fine.... kind of. I couldn't move for about 20 long minutes and then I couldn't stand up, walk, or lay down because of the pain in my back. I wasn't sure what I did, but I knew it wasn't good. Then two days later, I was feeling even more sore when I leaned down to pick up something I'd foolishly dropped. As I did, everything popped back into place. It felt amazing.

So the point of the story? I now fear that every time I go down a flight of stairs, I'm going to fall. I panic, then grab the railing, and then slowly descend. Why? Because I fell? Isn't there a lesson somewhere that says that if you fall, you must get back up? Show the world that you are capable of standing up again? Apparently I'm scared. I can't even go down the stairs anymore.

Remember when you were little and you had zero fears? I once jumped off a roof when I was little because my friend's sister was in cheerleading and said she knew how to catch me. About 8 years later, I climbed up on a roof to help with Christmas lights and once my irrational fears struck me, I got stuck on the roof for hours.

Another example? I loved winter sports. Particularly sledding. I remember when Dad would build an ice chute in the yard so that we could luge through the yard. Then one year, I was sledding and in an effort to stop, I leaned out of the sled. An ice sheet caught my hand and I couldn't feel anything but shooting pain in my wrist for days. I thought I'd broken about 12 bones in my hand. Now I don't go sledding. Down hill skiing scares the crap out of me. Just thinking about it makes my wrist hurt again.

So where does this put me? Will I ever get over some of these silly fears? Will I ever be able to jump down a flight of stairs again? Fall openly and wholeheartedly?

I think that's a yes. Why? Because I've totally fallen for my best friend. He knows this. Or he should; we're getting married. :D I also know that he's one of the most compassionate, caring, loving, and capable people God could have ever put in my life. He makes me smile and my heart flutter. I think it's called being twitterpated.

I'll have more to update later. Now, it's time for bed.