It has come to my attention that for as much as I want to thrive and show people that I'm intelligent and really a bright person, I'm failing on the inside. I feel like I'm failing. I guess my understanding of things is slightly different than what others think. I feel like I can grasp the world by going at my own pace. I learn by experience. As practical as repetative learning and testing may be, I'd rather just experience the world through my own eyes. There is a difference between book smarts and street smarts. I've been able to navigate a foreign country with only a hand written note in a language I don't read. I can solve problems with little guidance. I can step up and lead when I see that it only takes one to stand up and out from the crowd to get the group moving.
So am I worried about how I'm doing? Yes.
Should I worry about how I'm doing? Maybe.
Can I learn without the traditional ways? Yes.
Am I scared? Yes.
Am I happy? I don't know.
It scares me that I don't know if I'm happy. I want to be happy. I'm envious of those that exude happiness all the time. It's like sunshine comes out their butt. They can't do anything but poop fuzzy rainbows. Not that I want magenta and fuschia to come flyin out in all different directions, but I'd like to do more than pretend I know what's going on with my life. I really don't want to fake my life and pretend that it exists in all its glory. I really want it to be amazing. I want to live so fully, that I can cry about how great it was.
1 comment:
-I don't know that you'll even see this. I mentioned that there are moments where I stop noticing the conversation, and I really just wanna jump over the table and kiss you. It's when you say things like these that make me feel that way. You are an amazing girl, and when I see you act as though you don't feel that way, it makes me want to help you realize that you deserve the world.
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