Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Can't Sleep
Title explains it. I'm thinking too much and can't get to sleep. Instead, I've been cruising channels constantly on TV looking for things to waste my time. That and I'm really thirsty. Bring on the orange juice.
Oops?
Ok, so first off. I really need to start writing more. I've thought about a dozen times that I should write, but I never really have anything of substance to talk about. So here's a brief rundown of the last couple weeks.
1. Had dinner with Mr. Green Beans. Twice. But I can't say that I'm overly impressed anymore. I think I had just fallen for someone because I thought I needed someone in my life. I was wrong. I'm okay by myself and am quite happy about that. As to if there's going to be another dinner, I have no idea. Something tells me probably not only because I guess I'm just not that interested. Plus, there's no effort to keep up with the activities in each others lives. He doesn't really talk to me and I don't have much to say to him. Oh well. At least I know, rather than wondering forever if it could have been.
2. The weather has been incredible. Incredibly unpredictable, but incredible none the less. VEISHA was a couple weekends ago and it was cold and snowy. Stupid, but then now as I'm writing this, it is hot, sunny and I'm working on my pretend tan. Another note about VEISHA. It wasn't anything like I expected. Being that it was the first one that I've EVER participated in, I had a blast. Granted, I also well lubricated on some wonderful alcohol. The only thing I worry about is my new fan club. Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing time. Yet, I look at my life the way it is right now and I don't see the need for any sort of cling operation. I get edgy and nervous when people talk long term commitment type things. I guess we'll have to see what happens, but still... I can't say I'm sure I know what I'm doing.
3. School is almost done. One word: YAY! I just had this wicked presentation I had to do for one of my more risque classes. I think that is the only class that it is entirely appropriate to talk about graves, putrification, and gross anatomy. My presentation topic was on cadavers. I kinda got a kick out of it because for as disturbing as the topic could be, I found a lot of things to kinda keep it lighthearted. As much as you really can keep cadavers lighthearted. Haha. I can think of a thousand things to add to that, but I'll keep my morbid humor to myself for right now.
4. I sent in all my Peace Corps medical paperwork and on the 16th of April, it was officially at the Peace Corps Medical Office. I know that doesn't mean a WHOLE bunch right now, but the fact that they have it and now I religiously check my email and PC toolkit for it to tell me that it hasn't been updated yet. I think I'm going to have a few things to check out again. I know that blogs are for spilling everything, but some of this is more that I'm sure most want to hear. Whatever. Then don't read what I'm going to say. I had some abnormalities in one of my tests. The doctors say that right now it's not a big deal. That 70% of abnormalities such as mine go away on their own. But seeing that it's the Peace Corps, the doctors think that I should get it checked out. Not necessarily just for the PC, but for me too. Apparently, some of these things cause cancer. Now, I'm only a little worried. My plans for life have kinda changed in the last few weeks. With all this new stuff, I've been sitting in doctors' offices for awhile and I've been thinkin about where my life might go next. Which brings me to my next topic.
5. I have been considering being an egg donor. I have really seemed to focus much more on charity, patience, and giving lately and I really feel that this is something that I can give that would mean the world to someone else. I have to admit that I don't know what it's like to feel the need to bear my own children yet, but I know that it is a very powerful need in many women. I may not be ready for my own kid, but if I can partially provide that for someone else, wow. So here lies the problem. With these abnormalities, I can't donate. And then, once I get these 'problems' resolved, I still won't be able to get the other thing I'm thinking of. With the Peace Corps, I've been thinking about a IUD. For those that don't know what that is, google it. It would save on everything in the long run. Then again, I can't do that either if I want to donate. So. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
6. And remember that 'mistake' from last blog? I think I didn't quite get that sorted out. Yet another reason that I won't be able to donate. I am praying that everything is okay. I'm praying that my solution already worked. Pray for me? Serves me right, though. I'm not exactly great a preventing stupid things like this. Maybe it's the worrying that is holding me back....
7. I'd like to say that this is the last thing I'm going to comment about, but that's not true. Haha. In 4 days, I'm donating my hair to Locks of Love. Which means, I'm cutting 11-12 inches of my hair off AND I'm contemplating a blue streak for good luck (and for fun, obviously). I'm totally stoked about this. FOUR DAYS!
8. I quit my job. I loved working at the Police Department. I loved being able to say that I was a 911 Dispatcher and knowing that my job was truly meaningful. I loved the pace of it. I loved the activity. I loved that job. Downside? The people. See, normally I can just shrug people off and say that what doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger and EVERYTHING is a learning experience. What I can't handle is people telling me what to feel. I went to have a heart-to-heart with my boss regarding an incredibly minor, but moderately offensive incident. What I really wanted to get across to my boss was that attitudes like that are harmful to everyone and what employer lets conflict fester and also that all things negative (like Ms. Negative Nancy that cries over everything) are highly unproductive and incredibly incondusive to the work environment. The result was less than impressive. For every "I feel..." statement I used, Ms. Boss counteracted with, "Oh, no you don't," or "It sounds like you're just emotional." My ultimate favorite response was that I have a nurturing and 'blue' personality and if I want things to function, I should take it upon myself to make the appropriate changes within myself to appease any situtations I feel should change. When I asked why it is only my responsibility to work on attitude, the response was, "Everyone has their priorities." Obviously, I am not one. But that's okay. I opted to leave, and yet again, when I said, "I feel that my time here has ended, I'd like to resign." The response was, "Oh, no you don't. You're just emotional." Sure. Emotion this. I'm done. The same day I was hired at a new job. I will be working outside in the sun, rain, wind, and dirt, but I love that idea. Perfect way to spend my last summer here. And I'll get to work on my tan. Haha!
Okay. I think that's about it for now. I obviously had a lot more to vent about than I realized. Hopefully the few worries I had will either resolve themselves, or the solutions won't be very intensive. The whole abnormalities one might require some minor surgery. I'm hoping that doesn't happen, but I guess time will be the judge of that. Until then, peace out. And never quit dreaming, especially of those hunky Swedes and Scots (that was a pretty fabulous dream) and of apartments in foreign places. :D
1. Had dinner with Mr. Green Beans. Twice. But I can't say that I'm overly impressed anymore. I think I had just fallen for someone because I thought I needed someone in my life. I was wrong. I'm okay by myself and am quite happy about that. As to if there's going to be another dinner, I have no idea. Something tells me probably not only because I guess I'm just not that interested. Plus, there's no effort to keep up with the activities in each others lives. He doesn't really talk to me and I don't have much to say to him. Oh well. At least I know, rather than wondering forever if it could have been.
2. The weather has been incredible. Incredibly unpredictable, but incredible none the less. VEISHA was a couple weekends ago and it was cold and snowy. Stupid, but then now as I'm writing this, it is hot, sunny and I'm working on my pretend tan. Another note about VEISHA. It wasn't anything like I expected. Being that it was the first one that I've EVER participated in, I had a blast. Granted, I also well lubricated on some wonderful alcohol. The only thing I worry about is my new fan club. Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing time. Yet, I look at my life the way it is right now and I don't see the need for any sort of cling operation. I get edgy and nervous when people talk long term commitment type things. I guess we'll have to see what happens, but still... I can't say I'm sure I know what I'm doing.
3. School is almost done. One word: YAY! I just had this wicked presentation I had to do for one of my more risque classes. I think that is the only class that it is entirely appropriate to talk about graves, putrification, and gross anatomy. My presentation topic was on cadavers. I kinda got a kick out of it because for as disturbing as the topic could be, I found a lot of things to kinda keep it lighthearted. As much as you really can keep cadavers lighthearted. Haha. I can think of a thousand things to add to that, but I'll keep my morbid humor to myself for right now.
4. I sent in all my Peace Corps medical paperwork and on the 16th of April, it was officially at the Peace Corps Medical Office. I know that doesn't mean a WHOLE bunch right now, but the fact that they have it and now I religiously check my email and PC toolkit for it to tell me that it hasn't been updated yet. I think I'm going to have a few things to check out again. I know that blogs are for spilling everything, but some of this is more that I'm sure most want to hear. Whatever. Then don't read what I'm going to say. I had some abnormalities in one of my tests. The doctors say that right now it's not a big deal. That 70% of abnormalities such as mine go away on their own. But seeing that it's the Peace Corps, the doctors think that I should get it checked out. Not necessarily just for the PC, but for me too. Apparently, some of these things cause cancer. Now, I'm only a little worried. My plans for life have kinda changed in the last few weeks. With all this new stuff, I've been sitting in doctors' offices for awhile and I've been thinkin about where my life might go next. Which brings me to my next topic.
5. I have been considering being an egg donor. I have really seemed to focus much more on charity, patience, and giving lately and I really feel that this is something that I can give that would mean the world to someone else. I have to admit that I don't know what it's like to feel the need to bear my own children yet, but I know that it is a very powerful need in many women. I may not be ready for my own kid, but if I can partially provide that for someone else, wow. So here lies the problem. With these abnormalities, I can't donate. And then, once I get these 'problems' resolved, I still won't be able to get the other thing I'm thinking of. With the Peace Corps, I've been thinking about a IUD. For those that don't know what that is, google it. It would save on everything in the long run. Then again, I can't do that either if I want to donate. So. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
6. And remember that 'mistake' from last blog? I think I didn't quite get that sorted out. Yet another reason that I won't be able to donate. I am praying that everything is okay. I'm praying that my solution already worked. Pray for me? Serves me right, though. I'm not exactly great a preventing stupid things like this. Maybe it's the worrying that is holding me back....
7. I'd like to say that this is the last thing I'm going to comment about, but that's not true. Haha. In 4 days, I'm donating my hair to Locks of Love. Which means, I'm cutting 11-12 inches of my hair off AND I'm contemplating a blue streak for good luck (and for fun, obviously). I'm totally stoked about this. FOUR DAYS!
8. I quit my job. I loved working at the Police Department. I loved being able to say that I was a 911 Dispatcher and knowing that my job was truly meaningful. I loved the pace of it. I loved the activity. I loved that job. Downside? The people. See, normally I can just shrug people off and say that what doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger and EVERYTHING is a learning experience. What I can't handle is people telling me what to feel. I went to have a heart-to-heart with my boss regarding an incredibly minor, but moderately offensive incident. What I really wanted to get across to my boss was that attitudes like that are harmful to everyone and what employer lets conflict fester and also that all things negative (like Ms. Negative Nancy that cries over everything) are highly unproductive and incredibly incondusive to the work environment. The result was less than impressive. For every "I feel..." statement I used, Ms. Boss counteracted with, "Oh, no you don't," or "It sounds like you're just emotional." My ultimate favorite response was that I have a nurturing and 'blue' personality and if I want things to function, I should take it upon myself to make the appropriate changes within myself to appease any situtations I feel should change. When I asked why it is only my responsibility to work on attitude, the response was, "Everyone has their priorities." Obviously, I am not one. But that's okay. I opted to leave, and yet again, when I said, "I feel that my time here has ended, I'd like to resign." The response was, "Oh, no you don't. You're just emotional." Sure. Emotion this. I'm done. The same day I was hired at a new job. I will be working outside in the sun, rain, wind, and dirt, but I love that idea. Perfect way to spend my last summer here. And I'll get to work on my tan. Haha!
Okay. I think that's about it for now. I obviously had a lot more to vent about than I realized. Hopefully the few worries I had will either resolve themselves, or the solutions won't be very intensive. The whole abnormalities one might require some minor surgery. I'm hoping that doesn't happen, but I guess time will be the judge of that. Until then, peace out. And never quit dreaming, especially of those hunky Swedes and Scots (that was a pretty fabulous dream) and of apartments in foreign places. :D
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