I'm tired. And drained.
I kind of feel like I've got nothing left to give anyone. No love, no happiness. Not even anger or disappointment. Just apathy.
I loved my holiday season. I got to see nearly 98% of my family. That is a stunningly large percent considering everyone was traveling. Usually, it is much lower than that.
I can appreciate the holiday season. It is supposed to be a time of rebirth. Of growth. Of love and forgiveness. Of sharing and hospitality. Of pure open-hearted joy. Of peace and relaxation. It is a time that you can set aside almost everything in your life and try to look at your life from the outside in and appreciate, acknowledge, and affirm what your life is.
Not every holiday season is going to be the best. They aren't planned out to be the bigger and better gala event than last year's. As we grow and change, so does our understanding and ability to see the simplicity that the holiday season is supposed to hold. We worry about money and if our gifts are going to be good enough. We worry about family and making everyone happy. We learn to fret over making it the best. Where did the appreciation for the simple get lost?
I think one of my New Year's resolutions is going to make my life more simple. Revert to the more basic. I'm all for quality, but quantity is what I'm going to change. I'm going to get rid of the "junk" in my life.
Switch.
Here's my rant. I'm slowly starting to sort things out, but it is taking way too much time and for everyone that knows me, you know that my mind can move about a million times faster than the things that function in the real world. It would be fantastic to sit down for one hour and plan something, complete from start to finish. The problem? I usually do it late at night and I can't do anything about it. And when I finally can do something about it, it doesn't go as fast or as good as assumed or promised.
I want to move down to be with my future husband. Cool beans, right? Future husband. I love the sound of that. And of course there are things that make it difficult. I want so much to be there with him, but it just doesn't seem like it's going to work the way things currently sit. His bachelor's pad is perfect for him and the bird, but it isn't a space meant for two. As much as I love him, we need to both be able to move around. Humans take up space. Here's to my resolution again. Get rid of the junk. But I still don't think that is going to help much.
The kicker of my rant though is right here. I hate living in two places at once. I hate not being able to unpack. For example. My laptop has wireless which works at his place, and all of my friends' places. There's dial-up at home, which works there because we don't use the internet a lot there. But for job hunting online (seeing that I'm two states away and can't apply in person), it sucks because all my resumes and personal documents are on my laptop (WHICH DOESN'T WORK AT HOME BECAUSE THERE'S NO WIRELESS) and all my job hunting is done on a different computer. So when I actually find one that I like and want to apply for. Guess what? I can't. I don't and can't put documents on this computer.
It's one great big circle of non-functional crap. Yay for me.
That's it. Peace. Joy. Goodwill toward all. And remember to always wear your seatbelt.
