It's A Rendition That Will Peel The Enamel From Your Teeth

I've been thinking of things to write lately, but I'm coming up with not much of anything.



Just a few updates though...



I had my consult with my doctor. As much as I felt that I didn't have much to worry about, I was starting to get nervous. When they called to schedule my consult, the nurse just said, "We need to discuss your test results." And when I asked why, if they were all negative, then WHOO HOO! Her response was, "I'm sorry ma'am. We really need you to come into the office." That was the sobering moment for me. For some reason, all the effort I'd put into not thinking about any results came crashing down and that was all I could think about. It was so hard because I still have so many different directions I'm trying to layer in my mind; keeping everything sorted out while trying to retain basic information only. But the worry was for naught. Everything that they 'thought' was abnormal was actually a mistake. I'm not only not scared anymore, but I'm not sick either. Yay for real tests and second opinions.

I'm not sure if anyone reading this is going to understand this, except those from Iowa. RAGBRAI is this week. I've never really been involved in it. RAGBRAI is a huge bicycle event across Iowa; from one side to the other in its entirety. It is the first time it's been in Ames since I've lived in Iowa, so I've gotten to see more of it than I ever have before. Makes me want to try it. So my new pact to myself is that I'm going to work on my bike skills while I'm in Africa and I'll do the whole RAGBRAI event when I come back. Oh yeah, this year the route is 471 miles long.

The only other vent I have is for the kid that I work with. He's grating on my very last nerve. If I wanted to babysit this summer, I would have applied for a job in child rearing. I didn't. This would leave me to believe that I DIDN'T WANT A BABYSITTING JOB. At least not as my primary function. I've thought about volunteering my time for a few different couples that I know who have kids. We'll see though. I think I'm going to get my fair share of kids this fall when I'm teaching classes.

I'll be done for now. Short. Sweet. Time-waster for 5 minutes.

Bing! Bing! Bing! Bing! Bing!

Ever heard that dinging alarm when you've far beyond exhausted the fuel in your vehicle, but you just have to keep on going? Long after the little light comes on and usually right when you really are too busy to get to the gas station, the little bells start going off and the dash lights up warning you that you REALLY need to get gas in your car. It's the alarm that says, "You've pushed this damn vehicle too far! Now FIX IT!"

This seems to be the perfect analogy for my life. I've been running on no sleep, no food, and have everywhere in the world to be. I have more responsibilities and obligations than I think I've ever had to juggle before. And just when I'm about to try to balance myself out and refuel, the little light goes off and I've realized that I've forgotten something increadibly important.

Now, I pride myself on my ability to stay fairly cool under pressure and problem-solve like no other. But, I haven't had time to do anything other than run around for the past month. If I'm not in my car, I'm in my fields. If I'm not in the fields, I'm in class. If I'm not in class, I'm frantically scrambling to get there. If I could clone myself, I would. I'd make sure that I'd be able to dedicate a clone to each aspect that tugs on my heartstrings and requires my attention.

I did get a call this morning saying my test results from the doctor are in. I guess I'll just have to go back and have a little chat with him before I send out my final Peace Corps paperwork. I potentially could officially know where I'm going in a few short weeks.

Though... When I say that, I realize that it is bittersweet. I really am set up to leave my current location to travel on to the next. I've never stayed in one place very long. I don't think I'm meant to. I must have nomad's blood. I'm leaving behind some great experiences and some terrible experiences, some great people and some people I'm relieved to be away from. Yet, I love the adventure. Yep, bittersweet.

I could go on forever, but until I get my act together, I really don't have much time to blog. No worries, I'll be back...


To be continued...

Que Hora Es?

So, it's about the time that I have to start thinking about moving. To think about getting everything all boxed up, pack away the memories, and ship them off to a closet 300 miles away. It is hard to suddenly think about because I want so much to leave, yet, I don't. So many things have happened here, over the years and even recently and I just want to string along happiness wherever I find it. I want those around me to be happy. And I really don't want to hurt anyone. I keep saying that, but I seem to have almost given up on it. I have to finally face reality and know that I will hurt people. By making the decisions I have in my own life, I had to choose between a lot of things. One of my biggest fears, aside from airports, is of being forgotten. I really don't want to be forgotten. I know that the world keeps on going. We get so busy with so many things that we can't even begin to focus on everything and everyone , but I don't want to be one of the ones that people think, "Oh, it's been forever since anyone has seen her, she must have fallen off the face of the earth."

Nope. I definitely don't want that.